If I believe

Text edited from e. e. cummings' if i believe.

if i believe
in death be sure
of this
it is

because you have loved me,
moon and sunset
stars and flowers
gold creshendo and silver muting

of seatides

darkness and beauty of stars
was on my mouth petals danced
against my eyes
and down

the singing reaches of
my soul

i knew thee death.

and when
i have offered up each fragrant
night,

from the ashes
then
thou wilt rise and thou
wilt come to her and brush

the mischief from her eyes and fold
her
with

thy unimaginable
wings,where dwells the breath
of all persisting stars

Wrong Lane

When he asked me what was wrong I didn't know quite what to say
I thought for a moment and said I want to get away
And just like that he handed me his keys
Said "Be careful with the car please"
And he was gone

Sometimes
I feel
Like I'm

Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
I know what stopping takes
But I just can't find the brakes
Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
Don't want to feel the crash
Don't want to feel my body smash

There's adventure in the air
You can feel it in your hair
When you drive with the windows down
You're not sure where you're going
And you're not sure that you care
Just as long as you don't die as you try to get there

Sometimes
It feels
Like I'm

Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
I know what stopping takes
But I just can't find the brakes
Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
Don't want to feel the crash
Don't want to feel my body smash

And the cars keep coming at you
On the wrong side of the road
On the wrong side of the road
At least you won't get bored
Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
I know what stopping takes
But I just can't find the brakes
Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
Don't want to feel the crash
Don't want to feel my body smash

Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
I know what stopping takes
But I just can't find the brakes
Going 100 miles an hour in the wrong lane
Don't want to feel the crash
Don't want to feel the crash

A Carol to My King

written for my grandma's funeral, a sort of non-medley-ish-compilation of a few hymns

I know that my Redeemer lives; What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives to comfort me when faint. He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.
O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend; He lives and loves me to the end.
He lives, and while He lives I’ll sing: He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above;
Praise the mount; I’m fixed upon it: Mount of thy redeeming love.

He lives to silence all my fears. He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart. He lives, all blessings to impart.

There is music in my soul today, a carol to my King
And Jesus, listening, can hear the songs I cannot sing.

INTERLUDE

He lives, all glory to His name! He lives, my Savior, still the same!
Oh sweet the joy this sentence gives: I know that my Redeemer lives!

Your Dance

It's morning on the Eastern Shore
The clouds aren't coming anymore

We tried to say goodbye to rain
Let the sorrow waters drain

Let go of yesterday
Mix color with the grey
We'll wake up with the sun
Life goes on

It's twilight on the mountains
Sinking sunlight fountains on display
Nothing here to keep you
I guess you can put on your shoes and walk away

It's time to say hello
To tomorrow
We'll get up with the sun
Life goes on

Sing as if you've never sung
Spin as if you've never spun
Laugh long
Drink deep
Life is your dance

It's night on the Pacific Coast
The wind is howling like a ghost

We tried to say goodbye to rain
Let the sorrow waters drain

Let go of yesterday
Mix color with the gray
It's time to say hello
To tomorrow
We'll get up with the sun
Life goes

Mmh, life is your dance

Before

She asked
Why are you still here
You could see th tears that lined her eyes
Her grief was deep
She didn't think you could reply

It's all to hear the birds
It's all to see the sun
It's all to taste the rain
You don't remember where we came from

You didn't sleep that night
Neither did she
The memories too fresh for once to ever put away
And angels stood beside

It's all to hear a song
It's all to see a dance
It's all to smell the sea
You don't remember what we used to be

I remember
What we used to be
That's why I'm still here

She asked how you could stay
She didn't think you could reply
But you did

It's all to hear the birds
It's all to see the sun
It's all to taste the rain
You don't remember where we came from
It's all to hear a song
It's all to see a dance
It's all to smell the sea
You don't remember what we used to be
It's all to feel warmth
To understand
To love
To learn
It's all to teach
To know
To wait
It's all to see the things I never saw
You don't remember what it was like
Before

James

for my brother

It's been four hours since you went to bed
But I know sleep hasn't touched your eyes
She only wants for you to rest your head
But you sit awake alone for hours every night

And I'm not there
But I wish I were
I would hold your hand
And sing you all your songs

Good night
This is my song for you
A song you'll never hear
And words you'll never know, oh
Good night
I hope that sleep comes some day
And when it does, I hope you know I love
I love you

The darkness is so pale with moonlight coming through the cracks
Of curtains in your room
Light up the gloom, yeah
If you could sing I bet you would
You never liked to be alone

And I'm not there
But I wish I were
I would hold your hand
And sing you all your songs

Good night
This is my song for you
A song you'll never hear
And words you'll never know, oh
Good night
I hope that sleep comes someday
And when it does, I hope you know I love

I never knew how much I owed to you
How much I owed
I never knew how much I owe to you

Good night
This is my song for you
A song you'll never hear
And words you'll never know, oh
Good night
I hope that sleep comes someday
And when it does, I hope you know

Good night, good night
This is my song
A song you'll never hear, oh
Good night
I hope that sleep comes someday
I hope you know I love

I love you

Tribute to T.S. Eliot, August 2007

lyrics adapted from his "Burnt Norton."

If all time is eternally present
Then all time is unredeemable
What might have been
And what has been
Come to one end

Footsteps echo in the memory
Through the pathways which we did not take
Toward the door we never opened
Into the garden

But to what purpose
Disturbing the dust on a bowl of roses?
I don't know.

Through the first gate
Into our first world
Shall we follow the deception of the thrush?
In the autumn heat
And through the vibrant air
The bird calls

In response to unheard music, hidden
And the unseen eyebeam crossed for the roses

So we moved
And they
In a formal pattern--

And the pool was filled with sunlight
And the lotus rose quietly
Quietly

Quietly, quietly

Go, go, go
Said the bird
Humankind
Cannot bear very much
Reality